


Sleepless Nights

by serenesavagery (windrunnerdreamer)



Series: Adolin Speardancer and Kaladin Kholin [6]
Category: Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Gen, Grief/Mourning, POV Third Person, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 07:17:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21295640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windrunnerdreamer/pseuds/serenesavagery
Summary: Teft knows Adolin wasn't some sort of heavenly servant of the Almighty, for all he was good and pure.He only admires the lad for being able to still think of doing good even though he's been through a lot more than the whole lot of Bridge Four put together.But sometimes...Teft was relieved to see, that Adolin could be angry. Could be broken.Made him a lot easier to approach.Adolin for his part, never stopped mourning.
Relationships: Adolin Kholin & Mayalaran, Adolin Kholin & Teft, Adolin Kholin & Tien, Kaladin & Renarin Kholin
Series: Adolin Speardancer and Kaladin Kholin [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1527470
Comments: 14
Kudos: 31





	Sleepless Nights

Teft sometimes wondered if Adolin was unreal. 

The way the lad still believed some lighteyes were good, even though he went through hell and back, not that Teft thought lighteyes should go to Damnation, but still. 

Adolin still believed in the world, you could see it in his bright, hopeful face, his determined speeches, the energy with which he lived...

You'd think the lad was a child of storming Vedeledev herself. 

Adolin never shouted at his men, never rebuked them, (though except for that one time where he called them chulls for pouring soup on his head, which to be fair, was to be expected) and never once cursed anyone in the whole time Teft knew him. 

Except for Sadeas. And that Amaram fellow. But they weren't exactly great people, so you _could_ curse at them without feeling guilty about it. 

Point was, Adolin Speardancer wasn't just a beautiful spearman- he was also the kind of human Teft envied. 

But sometimes, you could find Adolin snapping out of those vines of well mannered grace and all that. 

You could find Adolin as a human too. 

Teft didn't think much about the Blackthorn's sons. Except that Kaladin Kholin was storming terrifying, what with that blasted tongue of his and his fighting like a monster out there in the duels. 

And that Prince Renarin was a little bit of what people would call an oddball. In the nicest sense possible. 

He didn't think much, as in, he didn't really have the time to wonder about what they were like. Besides, it wasn't any of his storming business. 

But, he started to notice that Adolin's smiles were a little less bright whenever he saw the two princes laughing together. 

(Teft hadn't been entirely convinced Prince Kaladin could laugh until Lopen pointed it out. He didn't even know _Lopen_ could get surprised at things until Prince Kaladin was laughing heartily with his little brother.) 

Adolin's mood was just a bit darker whenever those two walked together, and by that, Teft meant that you were much more liable to get Adolin irritated when those two were around. 

_"I have to say, maybe the Surges could use a little more-" _

_"I'm not interested, Sig. Not at the moment." Adolin bit out with an uncharacteristic vehemence. _

_Sigzil for his part, looked surprised and a little hurt which only made Adolin look at him guiltily. _

_"Ah. Sorry. Just wasn't having a good day. Do tell-" _

_Teft raised his eyebrows. Adolin never snapped if he could help it and he looked around to see if there were any annoying lighteyes around. _

_The only ones he could find were Prince Kaladin and Prince Renarin and those two were poring over some ardent puzzle or something, with wide grins on their faces. _

Hell, Teft wasn't kidding. The men had learnt to let Adolin be whenever those two were around, in a couple of weeks even though no one could understand why Adolin was annoyed by the brothers being together. 

It wasn't as if Adolin disliked either of them, too. Adolin and Kaladin were fast friends- considering Kaladin felt indebted to Adolin and that Adolin trusted Kaladin. 

Plus, Adolin seemed rather fond of Prince Renarin for some reason- man seemed to find a reason to fuss over the prince's safety like a mother axehound. As if Renarin's brother weren't storming enough. 

So Teft couldn't really understand himself, until Adolin spoke to him about Tien, one day. 

* * *

"Kid?" Teft asked Adolin one day at the barracks. 

Adolin had seemed on edge all day- he was constantly clenching his jaw as if preparing for a fight and he snapped at anyone who so much as peeped at him. 

Adolin looked ready to snap at him today, if the narrowed eyes were any indication. "What?" Adolin asked, his voice clearly annoyed. 

"You look tense. Like you wanna cut up somebody's head into little pieces and throw the whole lot o' them into Damnation." Teft said bluntly. 

Adolin sighed. "I'm sorry, Teft," the sweet as sugar captain returned in that one second and Teft couldn't stay annoyed at him for a second, Damnation. "It's just..." Adolin ran a hair through his peppery black and blonde hair, sighing again. 

"I've got a lot on my mind. I know that's no excuse for the way I've been behaving, but I just...I'm sorry." Adolin said in a low voice, his eyes filled with remorse as he hung his head low. 

Teft sighed too. This lad would be the death of him. 

"Adolin. You know you can...talk about it. Because that's what normal people do. That and we're Bridge Four. Aren't we?" 

Teft certainly was in no position to talk about normalcy, but Adolin didn't have to know about it. 

Adolin looked ashamed. Storm it, a few shamespren even fluttered around him. "I'm sorry. We are Bridge Four. But lately, I don't seem to be a part of it, am I?" He asked, smiling in a way that broke Teft's shrivelled up heart. 

"Come on kid, that's not what I meant it, storm you." Teft muttered. 

He wasn't good at this, Damnation- maybe Rock would have a better try? 

"I'm-" 

"Say you're sorry again, and I will hang you over the chasm." Teft warned. 

Adolin's smile became a bit brighter. "Payback, eh?" 

Teft punched Adolin's arm with a smile of his own. "You know it, lad. Tell someone about your storming problems if you can. I'm not asking you to-" 

"But I should. And I want to. So stay?" Adolin asked, pleadingly and Teft found him cursing Vedeledev for creating Adolin Speardancer. 

"Sure." Teft grunted out, but he sat next to Adolin, who sat down too. 

Adolin hugged his knees, looking like a little child. 

"I...had a little brother. His name....his name was Tien." Adolin started off, his voice shaky. 

Oh. 

Teft felt like a fool. A storm cursed fool.

_No wonder, _Teft thought as Adolin's eyes shadowed considerably with sadness. 

No _wonder_ Adolin was annoyed at seeing Kaladin and Renarin together. 

"I...loved him. Love him. With all of my heart. I wouldn't trade Tien for a thing in the world," Adolin was saying softly, a little fierce and protective edge to his voice and Teft listened. 

Adolin smiled, a little, just then. "That child...he often brought rocks to cheer me up," 

Rocks didn't seem like a very good way to cheer someone up, but Teft shut his mouth. 

"Made them change colors, somehow, just by holding them in this way and that. That's how he cheered me up. Every time I felt like a failure, Tien would be there by my side. Somehow, he _knew exactly_ what to do. If I didn't want to talk, he wouldn't talk. He'd just be there. Holding my hand or letting me know he was ready for me to talk. If I wanted to talk, he'd always listen. Tien was always there for me. The only thing that was good about this world," Adolin said, his voice again shaky and his eyes suspiciously glowing with tears and Teft felt alarmed. 

The happiness Adolin had spoken with gave way to a dark sorrow Teft felt familiar with, at that last sentence. 

Adolin wiped his eyes with a knuckle before sniffing and continuing. "He never seemed to lose that optimism of his. That _hope_ that things would be all right somewhere in the future, even though everything looks like it'll go to Damnation." 

Adolin chuckled slightly and Teft's heart ached. Tien sounded like a good soul. 

Storm it, if everyone had a Tien for themselves, maybe this world wouldn't be so messed up. Just maybe. 

What took him? 

Teft was about to find out as Adolin spoke of the little miniatures Tien would give to him, with a smile on his face before it darkened considerably. 

"Then...then the war came. Tien had to go. And I couldn't just leave him, storm it! I said I'd go too, even though I wasn't drafted. But you know...you know what was _worth_ it?" Adolin asked, more to himself than to Teft, swallowing a lump down his throat. 

"When he thanked me. When I realized I could finally make him happy. After all that he did for me. But we weren't even together in the same squad- that didn't stop me. Two years. Before...before he died." Adolin said, exhaling and shaking. 

Teft, for his part, only put an arm around his captain's shoulder as he sobbed later. 

* * *

Adolin couldn't sleep that night but this time it wasn't so he could mourn Tien. 

This time, he just played with spheres, watching as the Stormlight dissipated to become a part of him, tonight. 

"Adolin?" Maya's voice came, soft and hesitant. 

Adolin turned to smile at his life sized spren. "No. Tonight, I'm alright, Maya. Don't worry." 

"You haven't slept since...." Maya said, quiet and worried, so different from her usually sarcastic self. 

Adolin's smile widened a little. "Yeah...but I'll start sleeping, I guess. I'm....starting to heal, I think. I'm not sure." He said, shrugging. 

Maya sniffs, but Adolin can sense her relief. "I know. Adolin. And I'm happy." Maya says affectionately, hugging him. 

Adolin felt as if he were the spren, with how much Maya's love and comfort encompassed him. 

Yeah, he thought to himself with a little less melancholy than usual, things would be all right. 

Never completely, true. He would still ache, thinking of his dear brother, who died young. 

In fact, his eyes stung traitorously even now. 

But...maybe he could recover. Just a little bit. 

"I should remember him. Tien. Not just...not just that he died. I guess that's what I was doing wrong, huh?" Adolin whispered, as Maya pulled back. 

"That's actually a lot better. That and you glaring at those poor Kholin brothers." Maya said, dryly but with no small degree of affection. 

Adolin rubbed the back of his neck, shamespren falling on his thighs. "Yeah, that wasn't decent. Stormfather, I should rethink on a whole lot of things, huh?" 

Maya smiled. "You should. And you have me. Bridge Four. So stop worrying." 

Adolin smiled, a little less painful to do now. "I know."

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of feelings about this work, but I need to sleep lmao. 
> 
> Comments are appreciated, as always!


End file.
